I’m going to Amsterdam later this week and have been looking through various websites to try and get a sense of what it will be like once I’m there. People go to Amsterdam for 2 reasons it seems; to get high and to visit the red-light district. I’m going for a friends birthday and am intrigued by both these tourist attractions. As a woman, I will not be purchasing sex however I am fascinated by the business.
During my online search, I found an interesting article which I recommend you read. Of course, it is written by a man. But don’t be prejudiced as I initially was, because it is interesting to read. He describes three encounters with prostitutes that he has on a trip to Amsterdam; one of which is his first-ever for paid sex.
What surprised me most was what men want out of sex? It seems that throughout the article, he remains indecisive. Are all men this indecisive about sex/relationships?
To begin with, he outlines his view of himself – how had he had the “political freedom” to have sex with prostitues he would … yet “please don’t judge him” as he does in fact enjoy the emotional intimacy that you get from relationships. Yet later in the article, once he has mastered the skills to negotiate for sex, he realizes that by paying a bit more, he can in fact buy emotional intimacy.
This includes an “anything goes” contract – which allows him to enjoy an uninterrupted half-hour. He seems to get most pleasure when in this ‘contract’ mode (which he does 2 out of the 3 encounters). But surely this ‘contract’ – the ability to have uninterrupted sex, unprovoked affection and the chance to experiment – is something that comes with being in a relationship? Why pay for this experience? Why suggest that only through “political freedom” can one enjoy sex in this manner, when really it is something the majority of us enjoy in a loving relationship?
Is the thrill of being with a prostitute in the sex-with-a-random-stranger scenario, or in the creativity of the sex? And once paying for sex, why pay more to make it seem as much like a relationship as possible?
Heinrich (the author of the article) even says that though the majority of the girls do dress and dance provocatively in their red-light windows, he found himself most attracted to a girl in jeans and a bra. Yes, her jeans were undone, and OK she is in fact in her bra and probably dancing in some evocative fashion, but the fact that he choose to end his stay in Amsterdam with this girl amongst all the others who are roaming around in underwear, suggests that men seek “the girlfriend” in their fantasy.
So where does that leave us? And who are these women? Prostitution is legal in Amsterdam, so it is a way to make money – but is it right? And I’m intrigued by the women themselves – is sex simply a sport to them? Can they have meaningful relationships when in a job that demands emotional and physical intimacy? I’m not sure …. It’s something I will have to look into when I’m there. Livs xx